i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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