my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
