He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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