Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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