I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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