Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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