bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
