You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
