Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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