she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
