I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
