Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
