Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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