I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
