i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
