hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
do herpes really smell.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
