Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
