saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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