why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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