Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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