He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
