So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
