dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That accounts for only three of the penises
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
