In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
