our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
