i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize