Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
