Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
