Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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