I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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