My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
