I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
