: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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