at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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