I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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