Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
