Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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