What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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