It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
