did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
