To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
