i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
