would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
