Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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