i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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