Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
