I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
