Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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