remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
