people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
zippers are such a cool invention
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
