can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize