woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
