I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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