oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
