Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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