Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
