Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
