I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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