She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize