This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
