the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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