Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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