He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
