Having a random hookup so left but love u
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
