i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
