i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize