Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
