Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
