You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize