you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im holly from the hills drunk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My vagina is officially offended.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
