sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize