I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
