don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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