Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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