And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
