i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
