I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
