Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
