She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
