I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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